NewZealandCoach’s Weblog

Somewhere else on the net, I saw someone asking advice about a ‘weight coach’.

I have to confess I haven’t done this as a separate, specially negotiated thing. It seems to happen as a side issue. In a first session it might come out as one of the areas that is worrying the client. So we might walk while we’re doing our sessions, or I might gently keep them on track as they go. Sometimes having someone to ‘report’ to makes all the difference. Especially when the person is not going to be judgmental, or laugh, or anything awful like that.

Anyway, the person that I was talking to online had met with a ‘weight coach’ for a first session. The person advertised themselves as being very good at neurolinguistic programming. The session was supposed to take three hours (!) and at the end of it the coach told the person that they couldn’t coach them, that was the end, have a nice life.

The person was devastated. They thought there was something wrong with them, they hadn’t given the right answers, there was something so wrong with them and they were a fatally flawed human being.

They were also embarrassed that the coach had probed into some quite deepseated and emotional issues. The person felt shy to talk like that because after all, they had just met the coach. They felt that three hours was a long time to focus so intently, in short they felt uncomfortable and put on the spot.

What a shame

Personally I think it is good to keep a first session – an introductory session, as this was supposed to be – to a shorter time period. I wouldn’t go too intently into details of specifics – I like to meet the person, see how they communicate, how they use language, see what is worrying them and where they are not satisfied with aspects of their life. I don’t think it’s the session to work miracles and magically sort every issue that has ever been.

If I had reason to think I couldn’t help the client, I would recommend someone who I thought could.  I might think another professional would have better solutions, or there might be things the client could do which would work better.

I hope this situation didn’t put that person off, because from what I’ve seen of them they communicate perfectly well, there are a lot of strategies that they could use that wouldn’t stress them, and wouldn’t interrupt the parts of their life that are ticking along quite nicely. Let’s face it. Weight is never a straightforward issue. You can’t just sign up to the gym and see your life transformed in a month.

You also can’t be expected to instantly trust someone to let them into all your innermost thoughts and feelings. It takes a little time for things like that to evolve. The good thing is however, that a coaching relationship is ’specific’. There is a purpose to it. It’s not as if you’re wondering whether to go out with the person, or move into their flat. One of the things we learn in our training is to gently, and unobtrusively keep the person on track. They are paying for results. It is all about them. It’s not about spending an hour discussing the rotten government (did I just type that?!), or how the kids are getting on, or random social things.

It is all about the client. It’s about you, and how you can alter things, recreate things, address issues and sort your life out to suit yourself.

Fun