What colour is your house? where did you go to primary school? what sort of car do you drive?
Did you notice that while you were reading, the answers were in your mind almost immediately?
The strange thing about our minds is that they are always looking for the answers to questions. Throughout your life you are building such an immense store of knowledge, and it all cross checks with itself. The brain comes up with answers to support a question based on a variety of scenarios. Unfortunately, some of these are … somewhat biased.
So when you wake up in the morning and your first thought is why don’t I ever have enough time? your brain will come up with answers to that exact question.
I’m overloaded at work, there’s no hope of catching up. There aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m so busy I never have time for myself. I’m a working parent with three kids. If my flatmate/kids would only tidy up after themselves … I’m the only person who can get it done properly. No one else ever takes responsibility. I don’t have time to take a full hour for lunch. I haven’t got time ….
see how it works?
You’re dooming yourself to a horrible day before you even get out of bed.
Try Why do I always have enough time to do what I want?
It’s such a little thing but it is so powerful. The thing is, you won’t believe it until you try it.
Have a lovely Wednesday – it is 6.00am and the rain is beating down on the roof. Gusts of wind. But both the cats are inside and I have lots of things to do, the garden will grow and while it’s raining so hard it can’t be freezing cold, so hey 
Filed under: Coaching
Just a note :
(remember how I told you we were upgrading some office equipment?)
As part of that I now have a landline number for you. You can find it at the top of the blog, to the left, underneath the grass You won’t have to make those expensive cellphone calls to get hold of me …
Don’t stress if you need to call after office hours, you can still leave me a message and I will return your call.
The wonders of modern technology, gotta love it!
dawn (at) mirrorconsulting.co.nz
Somewhere else on the net, I saw someone asking advice about a ‘weight coach’.
I have to confess I haven’t done this as a separate, specially negotiated thing. It seems to happen as a side issue. In a first session it might come out as one of the areas that is worrying the client. So we might walk while we’re doing our sessions, or I might gently keep them on track as they go. Sometimes having someone to ‘report’ to makes all the difference. Especially when the person is not going to be judgmental, or laugh, or anything awful like that.
Anyway, the person that I was talking to online had met with a ‘weight coach’ for a first session. The person advertised themselves as being very good at neurolinguistic programming. The session was supposed to take three hours (!) and at the end of it the coach told the person that they couldn’t coach them, that was the end, have a nice life.
The person was devastated. They thought there was something wrong with them, they hadn’t given the right answers, there was something so wrong with them and they were a fatally flawed human being.
They were also embarrassed that the coach had probed into some quite deepseated and emotional issues. The person felt shy to talk like that because after all, they had just met the coach. They felt that three hours was a long time to focus so intently, in short they felt uncomfortable and put on the spot.
What a shame 
Personally I think it is good to keep a first session – an introductory session, as this was supposed to be – to a shorter time period. I wouldn’t go too intently into details of specifics – I like to meet the person, see how they communicate, how they use language, see what is worrying them and where they are not satisfied with aspects of their life. I don’t think it’s the session to work miracles and magically sort every issue that has ever been.
If I had reason to think I couldn’t help the client, I would recommend someone who I thought could. I might think another professional would have better solutions, or there might be things the client could do which would work better.
I hope this situation didn’t put that person off, because from what I’ve seen of them they communicate perfectly well, there are a lot of strategies that they could use that wouldn’t stress them, and wouldn’t interrupt the parts of their life that are ticking along quite nicely. Let’s face it. Weight is never a straightforward issue. You can’t just sign up to the gym and see your life transformed in a month.
You also can’t be expected to instantly trust someone to let them into all your innermost thoughts and feelings. It takes a little time for things like that to evolve. The good thing is however, that a coaching relationship is ’specific’. There is a purpose to it. It’s not as if you’re wondering whether to go out with the person, or move into their flat. One of the things we learn in our training is to gently, and unobtrusively keep the person on track. They are paying for results. It is all about them. It’s not about spending an hour discussing the rotten government (did I just type that?!), or how the kids are getting on, or random social things.
It is all about the client. It’s about you, and how you can alter things, recreate things, address issues and sort your life out to suit yourself.
Fun
Filed under: Family
I had a perfectly tidy, perfectly clean house. And NO ONE CAME TO SEE ME!!!
The next day I decided to start work on our third bedroom. I left the rest of the house while I did this, and the kids amused themselves, grabbed their stuff etc. I didn’t take much notice cos I was busy stripping wallpaper and making a terrible mess.
That afternoon I came back out to the dining room, looked around – mourned briefly for the disappearance of my tidy house … and started making a cup of tea. Priorities, after all :p
Then there was a KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
Why does this always happen when my house looks like a tornado hit it?!
Does this happen to you too? please tell me it does!
Wow it is a beautiful morning – well, as beautiful as it can be at 5.25am
Today I have some questions for you, before I show you what I just found on the ‘net. It will keep you amused for hours, well, at least five minutes!
If you could have done two things differently in your life, what would they have been?
How would you describe your ‘perfect life?’
Are you living the life you really want?
Be brave, leave a comment or talk to me on yahoo messenger : coachdawn_newzealand
Here is the link I promised, enjoy! Visuwords
Hi there, did you miss me?
Back from Auckland now, it was lots of fun up there. I met some people I really liked, and caught up on some things that needed doing as well. Now I am at home sorting through debris from my old job and preparing for an upgrade to our office systems. This will happen on Monday and it is really exciting!
So anyway I am close by and you can find me on yahoo messenger: coachdawn_newzealand
Talk to you soon!
I know more than one couple who are planning their big days
It’s heartening to see that there is still romance in the world … most of the weddings I’ve been to have ended in divorce. Sometimes it was a foregone conclusion, sometimes it was out of the blue. A few people I know have been married a long time, but they are in the minority. My mum and dad have been married 42 years, and my sister and her husband celebrated their 11th wedding anniversary last week. A few of my friends have been married for years as well, but they are outnumbered by the amount of people I know who are divorced.
A lot of people haven’t actually seen a good marriage in action. They have no role models, they don’t know how it works. We all know it’s never happy ever after. Marriage has incredible highs, periods of drudgery, frustration, anger, laughter, boredom and pure fun. We all change, and the person we married will not be the same person twenty years on. I think with some people they fall into the patterns they saw growing up.
It’s easy to have a preconceived idea of what marriage should look like.
When I was growing up, there was never a mention of getting married. The emphasis was on education, being responsible and working hard. No one had a special bank account saving up for my wedding, no one expected the boyfriend to turn into The Husband. There was no pressure.
Where this caused problems was in my present relationship. I had learned to be very independent. My other half was brought up to look after women, to be the breadwinner and to take full responsibility for everything financial. Once we realised that we were on opposing sides (that’s not quite the right phrase, but it’ll have to do for now) things became a lot more understandable. I toned down my independent streak, and he learned to deal with a bit of the pressure he put on himself.
What examples of a good marriage have you seen?
What have you done lately to make your relationship a priority?
What are some of the barriers you face as you try to make time for yourselves as a couple?
Do you ever let work come between you?
Have you ever tried complimenting your partner using all the letters of the alphabet? oh I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s fun! I admire the way you work so hard. I love watching you play basketball. Thanks for cooking a yum dinner yesterday. I dreamed about you last night!
Finally I recommend the book Love Languages. It’s not heavy going to read, and it might surprise you.
Hi everyone!
In Auckland again this week. I won’t be out at Mount Wellington this time, it’s the CBD. But we can negotiate on that ….. just let me know. I will be briefly back in Hamilton on Tuesday/Wednesday.
Leave me email at coachdawn_newzealand(at)yahoo(dot)com if you’d like to find out more about coaching – I’ve got a few favorite cafes we can meet at!
Hope your working week is fun and that you have time scheduled to enjoy yourself doing something you love. If that happens to be your job – excellent!
Filed under: Family
my username. Oh I know, call me stupid … “stupid!!” How could I have forgotten a thing like that? because I usually have my laptop set to automatically log me in. But because one of the kids watched over my shoulder and realised what my password was (the one to get into my laptop!!) I changed/wiped everything …
Anyway now we’ve got my attack of stupid-itis out of the way …
Today was the end of an era really. It was my final day at the school I have been teaching at for the past six and a half years. We had an assembly this afternoon which was really fun, even though I don’t like being in the spotlight. Luckily for me, it was the last day for the boss as well which took a bit of the heat off
I had such fantastic colleagues there. So much of what teachers do is behind the scenes. They work so hard and the hours are so long. I can imagine what you’re thinking – ‘but they have such long holidays!’ In my experience most teachers start to get sick towards the end of the term, because they’re exposed to all the usual children’s germs, and the hours are so long that they become exhausted as time goes by. So they spend half the holidays struggling to get their health in order, and then the second half doing their planning etc for the next term.
So I wish everyone there all the best and I certainly plan on dropping in for festivals etc. Here is a link.
Next week I’ll be in Auckland for training for my new job. I am really looking forward to it. But I am also VERY FRIGHTENED. It is going to be a huge change and a big step out of my comfort zone. Which I need. I was a bit frightened I was getting into a rut. Now I have the chance to learn new things and push myself. I will also have more time available for coaching. Sometimes the two days a week I had available was not enough. Also waiting to hear back about something else I’m interested in, so cross your fingers
School holidays! do you look forward to them? or do you have the stress of finding day care for your kids? I always, without fail hear someone saying “oh these kids, I can’t wait til they go back to school”.
It’s amazing how quickly kids grow. I remember someone saying this to me when I was knee-deep in nappies and stretch-n-gro’s, and I thought they were completely mad. I also met up with a girl I’d gone to primary school with – I had two children under 4, and she told me very smugly that her kids were at college!
What can I say? I’m a late bloomer
But now my kids are 11 (12 in October) and 14. While it is very fun and exciting to see what sort of people they’re growing into, it’s also sad in a way. I feel nostalgic for the days when I was pretty much the center of their worlds. Now they have their social lives (more than I do!) and are becoming more and more independent. I sneak into their rooms when they are asleep, and I can still see traces of their baby-faces. They wouldn’t like it that I was telling you this, though ….
so wherever you are, whatever stage your kids are at, take a good look at them. See how they are growing up and how their faces are changing. Soon they will be grownups, and the ‘child’ stage will be only a memory.
Make the most of this time
