NewZealandCoach’s Weblog

You know, when someone is going a difficult part of their life, and you don’t know how to help.  Just some ideas

Ring her up and ask her to come out somewhere interesting with you/keep in touch, just to say hi/offer to babysit/buy her an interesting book/ask her to come out for a walk, or a bike ride, or a game of tennis/ask her round for dinner/listen to her/go round for a coffee and take a nice snack with you!

I’ve used the word ‘her’, but this could equally be applied to a mate who is a guy.

Because it seems to be my day for making lists : here’s one on the qualities I appreciate in a friend, maybe you do too

You can trust them – they don’t discuss your conversations with anyone else/they are supportive without being judgemental, or having their own agenda/they have empathy/they see the funny side of things/you know they don’t get jealous or envious/they have their own interesting lives.

That last one might sound a bit strange.  I once knew someone who was dissatisfied with where she was in her life.  She didn’t have any hobbies, or interests, and she was  unhappy because she was single.  It was an awful situation, because she needed a lot of support and because she was becoming quite depressed I don’t think she realised how draining she was becoming.  This situation was sorted out in the end, but it was very difficult for a while there.

That situation is also where assertive communication comes in.  If you have a friend who seems to take more than they give, who is always unhappy and rings you up while you’re trying to get dinner out and wants to talk for an hour … if you feel as if you’re having the same conversation over and over again but nothing ever seems to change … you probably need to talk gently to the person and see if something can change.  Quietly putting up with it and gnashing your teeth every time you see their number on your caller display probably isn’t the most constructive way to deal with it.  Maybe I need to post again on assertiveness …