Filed under: Coaching
How was your long weekend?
We spent a lot of time doing a thousand and one jobs around the house. It was great. The garden is looking good and one of our long-discussed projects is well under way. One of the bedrooms is almost completely emptied, and we have stripped off all the wallpaper. It’s now ready to be painted, which is my next learning curve!
I’d previously decided to wallpaper, but the surface under the old paper was pretty good. Also today I found the exact colour I wanted – in a paint instead of a paper. So I think that’s what will happen …
These jobs can be a real pain. I found myself thinking about my hammock while I was hot, covered in wallpaper glue and bits of paper, stuck inside in a big mess. But we did it in stages, one step per day, and now we’re on the home straight.
Do you have a project you’ve been thinking about? can you break it down into smaller parts, can you make a list of what you’ll need, can you take the first step towards getting it achieved?
Filed under: Photos
Late this evening we heard a strange crunching noise coming from outside.
It is still very hot here and all the windows are open. We looked at each other, and then went to the window to see what it was. There, with its greedy snout stuck in the dogs bowl, was the biggest, fattest hedgehog we’ve ever seen. He must be the grandfather of all hedgehogs, he’s enormous!
He’s been here before, but he’s usually a bit timorous. Another night we heard our Big! Savage! Dog! barking (he’s a miniature fox terrier crossed with something really, really hairy) as if a horde of burglars were scaling the walls, but when we investigated it was this hedgehog. Frozen stiff with fear. I don’t know who was the more scared – the dog or the hedgehog :p
This time however, hunger must have got the better of him, and he was chowing down in a big way. Even the camera flash didn’t stop him!
My hut lies in the middle of a dense forest;
Every year the ivy grows longer.
No news of the affairs of men,
Only the occasional song of a woodcutter.
The sun shines and I mend my robe;
When the moon comes out I read Buddhist poems.
I have nothing to report, my friends,
If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things.
Ryokan (hermit-monk, c. 1758-1831).
Hope your long weekend has started well 
what a pain. Especially in a smaller house.
A few days ago a friend of mine was standing in my kitchen talking to me while I made coffee. She caught a glimpse inside my pantry and commented on the way I’ve organised things in there. She liked it, so I’ll pass the idea on.
It’s a boring standard corner cupboard, that really needs replacing. The shelves are quite deep and really too far apart to be of any practical use. We went to the Warehouse and bought some plastic containers. They come in different sizes, and are white and grey.
What you do : you use these boxes to categorise the different things. Like, one box contains all your sauces, one (or two, I really need another one) contains baking ingredients, one contains packets of juice, one contains things you need on the table while you’re eating dinner. The boxes mean that you can easily take everything out if you need to clean the shelves, and they keep everything together. The boxes aren’t expensive at all, and it makes it a lot easier when you’re checking what you have before you write a grocery list. You could do it however you liked – and please make sure you do, because a system that you personally set up will work the best.
It gives the entire pantry a much better appearance too. No jumble of different labels and sizes. It also helps the kids put things away in the right place, which is always good. The daughter likes to rearrange the pantry from time to time, then we spend a month looking for things and discovering things we didn’t know we had, etc etc :p
I should take a photo or two so you can see what I mean. But it’s a good system, not expensive, and partly solves the problem of having a generic cupboard for a pantry that isn’t really efficient.
You know, when someone is going a difficult part of their life, and you don’t know how to help. Just some ideas
Ring her up and ask her to come out somewhere interesting with you/keep in touch, just to say hi/offer to babysit/buy her an interesting book/ask her to come out for a walk, or a bike ride, or a game of tennis/ask her round for dinner/listen to her/go round for a coffee and take a nice snack with you!
I’ve used the word ‘her’, but this could equally be applied to a mate who is a guy.
Because it seems to be my day for making lists : here’s one on the qualities I appreciate in a friend, maybe you do too
You can trust them – they don’t discuss your conversations with anyone else/they are supportive without being judgemental, or having their own agenda/they have empathy/they see the funny side of things/you know they don’t get jealous or envious/they have their own interesting lives.
That last one might sound a bit strange. I once knew someone who was dissatisfied with where she was in her life. She didn’t have any hobbies, or interests, and she was unhappy because she was single. It was an awful situation, because she needed a lot of support and because she was becoming quite depressed I don’t think she realised how draining she was becoming. This situation was sorted out in the end, but it was very difficult for a while there.
That situation is also where assertive communication comes in. If you have a friend who seems to take more than they give, who is always unhappy and rings you up while you’re trying to get dinner out and wants to talk for an hour … if you feel as if you’re having the same conversation over and over again but nothing ever seems to change … you probably need to talk gently to the person and see if something can change. Quietly putting up with it and gnashing your teeth every time you see their number on your caller display probably isn’t the most constructive way to deal with it. Maybe I need to post again on assertiveness …
Filed under: Coaching
Yes! we have a new phone, which is absolutely clear. The old one made strange clicking noises (I think it was constantly changing channels or something) which was a real pain. This new phone will make things so much easier for both my clients and myself.
Whenever I had a phone conference it was especially annoying. I had to resort to dragging the old faxphone out. The bad thing about that was that the conference calls lasted two hours, and so I was tied to a phone with a cord for all that time.
The new phone even has a digital answering service which has proved very useful. Sometimes I think we are all going to be drowned in technology, but when something comes along that makes my life easier I’m all for it
There was another funeral today, at Kaikohe, at the Kotahitanga marae.
Hone Tuwhare was the author of ‘No Ordinary Sun’ the first collection of poems published by a Maori poet in English. It was published in 1964. Hone lived in Dunedin at the time of his death.
Tree let your naked arms fall
nor extend vain entreaties to the radiant ball.
This is no gallant monsoon’s flash,
no dashing trade wind’s blast,
The fading green of your magic
emanations shall not make pure again
these polluted skies . . . for this
is no ordinary sun.
This poem was written regarding the testing of nuclear weapons in the Pacific.
Hone began his working life as a boilermaker, at the age of 17. He spent time overseas, and had fellowships at Otago University. One of my colleagues is closely related to Ralph Hotere, and Hone and Ralph worked very closely together on a number of occasions. From talking to my colleague I’ve got a much better sense of ‘Uncle Ralph’ as a human being … which is a big part of the appeal Sir Edmund had to the people of New Zealand. His number was in the Auckland phone book, and he always took time for others.
For all that these two people have left us, their legacy will remain. They achieved some awe inspiring things, but what stands out in the reports from their funerals, was the way they connected with people.
What would you like people to remember about you?
Filed under: Family
I’ve been watching the coverage of the state funeral for Sir Edmund Hillary.
I could have been in Auckland, but what with parking and travelling and working I decided to stay here instead, so I could watch and see it from all angles. It was the most fabulous, touching service. It had humanity – it wasn’t just a collection of dignitaries and speeches. There were little kids waiting to see the cortege pass by, his grandkids spoke, his children spoke. People hung out of trees in the Domain, the pallbearers were so dignified, the haka was inspiring. A great kauri has fallen indeed.
There were two policemen standing on his and Lady June’s driveway. An unprepossessing driveway off Remuera Road. If you’ve ever been along Remuera Road, you would know that there are some rather – ostentatious places there. But this driveway had no gates, no intercoms, no crouching lions or buzzers or security.
Just two policeman, waiting, and as the cortege went by they saluted. There were some little children there too, all dressed up, they even had sparkling white socks on (how did their mothers manage that??) . He was such a – New Zealander. I’m very happy he had a state funeral, but I’m also happy he had his little corner of the world to retreat to when he came home.
Now the funeral is finished, and he is with his family. I find those days in between the death and the funeral to be very hard, so I hope that now they can say their private goodbyes and be at peace, just like him.
Such a simple topic. I had a lot of ideas for today’s post, but sometimes I think keeping to the basics is the best idea.
Sleep deprivation is at the basis of so many problems I see. The scary thing is that a lot of people don’t even realise that they’re tired way beyond the normal it’s-Friday-and-I-can-sleep-in-tomorrow. Parents of young babies are sleep deprived, so are parents of toddlers, and teenagers. Executives are sleep deprived, elderly people are sleep deprived. It’s truly amazing how many people don’t get enough sleep. They don’t do anything about it either. I think it’s always in the back of their mind … I can’t lie down on the couch, or I’ll go to sleep and wake up at 11.00pm with the kids running riot and the potatoes burnt to a crisp on the stove. I don’t dare shut my eyes in my office before my next appointment, because then my p.a. will come in and find me with my face squished up against the keyboard and a pool of drool on the floor.
Sometimes it’s that we can’t go to sleep. We lie there, eyes wide open in the darkness, stressing about that project at work that’s going to come in late and over budget. We turn over and curse our horrible flat pillow, we kick the duvet off and silently fume at our partner who is snoring happily beside us.
Sometimes it’s that we wake up. 4.00am??!! I might as well get up, I can read the paper before the kids are awake, and while I’m at it I’ll iron my work shirt and clean the cats dish.
Sleep. Such a small word. Such a huge impact on our lives when we don’t get enough of it.
Please, if you know you’re not sleeping properly, don’t just ignore it. There might be a lot of circumstances that are contributing to it, and some of these you might be able to fix by yourself. I will write a list of these, but if you’ve tried them all and you’re still bleary with black circles under your eyes go to your doctor. Oh I know, you haven’t been to a doctor for ages, it costs too much, you are too busy, it’s not serious enough a problem, you’ll wait until you’ve got pneumonia/bronchitis/a sore throat/a collection of weird illness related things all at once, so you can get your money’s worth.
This is too important to wait. Please get it checked out, talk to a doctor.
Ways to help you go to sleep :
Eat only a light dinner. Turn the tv off a couple of hours before you want to sleep, watching the news won’t help your state of mind. Drink some hot milk, have a warm bath. Turn the lights down. Try easing off on coffee and tea from 4.00pm onwards. Make sure you’ve had some exercise during the day, and NO walking down to the cafe on the 5th floor doesn’t count. Get yourself into a routine. Make sure if something’s worrying you, you write it down before you get into bed. Check that you’ve got ventilation in your room. Shift those piles of paper out so you don’t have to look at them when you’re trying to relax. Change your bed linen regularly. Invest in some decent pillows.
Hope these help
I have a lovely photo here of the arm which featured in a recent blog post. But I decided not to show it to you, because it has fourteen (!!) surgical staples with a long incision, and I thought it might make some of you feel sick.
You can thank me with a nice cup of tea, a foot massage, or a comment at the end of this post praising my sensitivity and consideration, thankyouverymuch 
