Filed under: Self
… just an addition to my previous post …
While on the way up, we were startled to see a small group of people standing directly under the terminal face of the glacier. Despite numerous signs warning that this is an incredibly silly and dangerous thing to do – they had stepped over the signs and fences and were busy taking photos.
Sometimes in life you take a calculated risk.
But sometimes, there are enough warnings that you don’t really need to jump in there and find out for yourself.
Gather information. Talk to others. Be informed. Read the signs, be aware of the warnings. Take responsibility.
Filed under: Family
The reason for the lull in my posts recently – we’re presently at the opposite end of the country. Work here is going well, and there has been lots of r&r into the bargain.
One of the places we visited was Fox Glacier.
This is a beautiful settlement to visit, and the challenge of going up the glacier itself was one I won’t forget in a hurry. There are around 500 steps to navigate as you approach the glacier itself through the bush. You will not stay completely dry as a lot of water comes down off the mountain in the form of crystal clear, rocky streams. Luckily sturdy boots are part of the package if you go with a guided group. The bush is so pristine and the history of the area itself is fascinating. Once on the glacier, you will be grateful for crampons (grab an alpenstock too).
I was worried before I went. I didn’t think my level of fitness was up to the task. I’ve also in recent years developed a bit of an aversion to heights. Not at all a phobia, more a reluctance to hang off balconies and swing bridges the way I used to 
Part of the trek up to the glacier involved edging around a particularly steep piece while NOT letting go of the chains embedded in the rock. The trick is not to look over your shoulder at the beautiful view until you’re safely on a flattish piece of ground again!
My calves were sore for three days afterwards, but I’m so glad I went. It was a step out of my comfort zone, and an indescribable feeling once accomplished.
The other day, while I was in Auckland, I bought myself (and you!) a present.
I bought Cheryl Richardson’s Self Care cards. These are a 52-card deck, with beautiful art work. Each card contains an inspirational message, and you can use them in a number of ways. I bought them with the original intention to use them in my coaching sessions. Not as a primary activity, but as a nice way to give additional focus for the rest of the week.
Now I’m here, thinking up some interesting subject for a blogpost – I’ve found another way to use them!
The card I pulled out today is titled “Self Respect”.
The artwork on this one is fabulous. It shows a mermaid seated on rocks, there are mountains in the distance and some beautiful luminous shells in the foreground. “Respect yourself – you’re the best judge of what’s right.”
Most of us have a bit of trouble making decisions without talking to our friends and family. Especially us women. Now, am I being sexist making that comment? I think it’s not so much sexism, as that most of the women I know like to ‘think out loud’. I don’t believe it’s that we aren’t capable of making our own decisions, it’s more that we like to process things via talking. That’s where the issue of communication comes in – are we talking (processing) with someone who is more solution oriented? It can be frustrating to be given a way to ‘fix’ the problem, when all you want is someone to listen while you organise your thoughts. This is where coaching can be so valuable. When I have an issue that’s proving problematic, there are a number of ways I deal with it.
One way is to journal. This can sound like a major pain. “I don’t have time. I hate writing by hand. I prefer to use a keyboard. People interrupt me.” These are all valid points. But some time ago I decided to try it, and I’ve found that just the ritual of writing by hand makes a difference. I keep my journal in my bag, and if I get a moment during the day I write. This is probably a topic for a further post, but keep it in mind. See if it intrigues you at all. I’ll give you some practical ways to do it in another post.
Another way is to blog online somewhere. There are a number of places you can keep your entries private. Personally, I’ve found the process of blogging v. journalling to be quite different. This way is quick, it’s efficient, but for some reason it feels less personal. To me anyway.
You can talk to a friend. Most people however have some kind of agenda. They have their own issues and problems. There is also the fact that a lot of people do not have the skills to ‘listen’. We live in a performance oriented world. It’s all about ‘outcomes’. There is a lot of pressure on people to fix things, to get things, to buy things. Be the perfect wife, be the husband who brings home the paycheck. Meet a friend for coffee, you’ve only got half an hour, you’re in the middle of a busy cafe with other people surrounding you. Your friend is busy at work and she also needs time to vent.
This is why I see coaching as having such a valuable place in our lives. It is a time of revelations, of feeling accepted and validated. It’s a time when you don’t have to feel guilty about talking “about yourself”. It’s all about you. It’s not at all like talking to a complete stranger who doesn’t care about you or your dreams. Your insecurities and ideas are not up for ridicule. You will find that just being able to articulate your thoughts with the aid of an interested, non judgemental listener will work wonders.
So, today’s message from me to you – self respect. You deserve to be heard, and to have happiness
Remember, I am on yahoo messenger as coachdawn_newzealand if you want to chat and ask questions. No charge
I want to ask you a strange question.
Is there anything lying around your house that is broken, and needs fixing?
It might have been sitting there for weeks. Maybe you asked someone to fix it, and they haven’t got around to it. Maybe you meant to fix it yourself. Meanwhile it’s sitting there, annoying you every time you look at it.
I think you should do something about it *today*.
If you can’t fix it yourself, ask someone to help. Ask them nicely, even if they’ve ignored your requests for help five times already. But tell them you’re fixing it *now* and you’d really appreciate their help. Then do it.
I don’t want something broken sitting around your house annoying you. I don’t want something broken to stir up resentment for you every time you see it.
Do it now.
* take your favorite book to read
* charge up your iPod so you can listen to what recharges *you* …
* write in your journal
* do a crossword
* meditate
* clean out your handbag and see what interesting things were lurking at the bottom!
* park somewhere nice, recline the seat and have a nana nap!
* write your partner a love letter. Post it on the way home!
* go for a walk down a street you usually only drive past
* take some pictures at the local park – artistic/weird as you want. You can always delete later!
Places to hide for some time out :
* in your car. Just don’t have the stereo playing *all* of lunchtime, in case your battery goes flat!
* visit the public library
* an empty boardroom
* a second hand book store
* a cafe that’s off the main street (hopefully it will be quiet)
* the nearest park – earphones on and nose in a book so you won’t be disturbed
* the supermarket – browse through all those gourmet items you usually speed past on the way to the tomato sauce :p
If you’ve got some spare cash :
* get your nails done. Nothing fancy, just tidied up. Enough to feel pampered! Guys as well.
* sit down in a cafe and eat something nice, instead of rushing in for a coffee-to-go
* go and buy a scented candle
* go into the nearest Trade Aid and get someone you like a present
* buy yourself a new nailpolish
* find a card to send to someone you haven’t seen for a while. Post this on the way home too!
Needs and values represent the ‘essence’ of what’s the most important to us in life.
I’ve seen a lot of people struggle to describe what’s really important to them. They find it difficult to articulate. But the coaching process allows someone to find out easily what they need/want from life. Once you understand this, and can articulate it, you will be amazed at how easy it is. Having this information will assist you to make good decisions, and let you feel happier and more secure about what you’re doing in general.
Let me give you an example.
Person ‘A’ is working in a corporation which has a huge emphasis on performance. There are great perks – laptops, cellphones, company dinners, corporate credit cards. The work is interesting, there’s always something new going on. The job is in a nice building, where good coffee is supplied and parking is in the basement. The hours are long, and employees are encouraged to go to the various team building events. There are weekend workshops and weeks away for everyone to learn new skills and bond in an environment strongly tailored towards keeping everyone happy and productive.
So why is this person unhappy?
They are achieving, they are learning, they enjoy good relationships with those around them at work. What’s the problem here?
This person has a couple of needs/values which are causing them a problem. There is nothing inherently wrong with their job. The person has a strong need to be autonomous. It’s the way their job is directed for them that is making them uneasy. They do not have any ‘room to move’. They are not able to personalise their work, it follows a set format. Once their work is done for the day, there is nothing to show that they ‘personally’ had a hand in it.
Another need/value that is at odds for them, is their strong need to feel connected with their family. It is not that there is anything wrong at all with their job. It is just that they feel resentful that they are not spending the time with their family that makes them happy. They feel they are missing out.
This scenario is not a deadlock. There are options for this person. There is never ‘one way’ to do things. The person does not have to resign from their job, and they don’t have to stay there for the next 10 years becoming progressively more miserable.
There are always options
Did you miss me?
I’ve recently had an event in my life which has pointed out to me the value of the skills I’ve learned as I’ve moved through my training as a coach. I also want to say ‘thanks’ to someone I know in Auckland, who has been of enormous help in this process.
So, person-in-the-building, *thanks*. You know who you are!
Working with new person now, and yesterday we talked about needs/values. This can be a funny thing to get your head around. But once you get an insight into what motivates you, you see your life in a new context. It’s fascinating to watch, and a privilege to witness.
A colleague gave me a process which helps enormously with this. It takes about 30 minutes, gives you concrete evidence of what drives you, and is efficient and specific. The first part of the process is identifying what you need – what is non negotiable. I am working with this client to identify five needs.
The things that are non-negotiable for them. Mine are different. Yours are different.
Do you know which things you absolutely *need* in your life?
