I’ve had some time off from blogging, but now I’m back with a vengeance ….
For future posts I have the following ideas in mind. If there’s anything you’d like to read about, leave me a comment and I’ll see what I can do!
*conflict at work – what to do when the ceiling is coming down around your ears
*family coaching – an upcoming project I’m working on
*teenagers and boundaries
*relationship coaching – what to do when you’re on different pages. Where do you go from there?
*commitment phobia – yours or theirs?
We had a great discussion during my last teleconference. What happens when we come across an issue that’s out of the coaching relationship jurisdiction?
There are certainly areas in which the client will be best served by seeing another professional. How do coaches spot these issues, and how do they deal with them?
Personally, during the initial meeting it’s best to point out to the client that this is always an option. Life is full of options, and it’s good to have another opinion on what will be the most helpful and efficient. Some things from the past might stop the client ‘moving forward’. We might talk about it and come to a joint decision that speaking to a counselor might help. Or, it might be a work situation that would be better dealt with by a mentor. There are all sorts of ways to work around these situations, and another opinion can be great in getting it straight in your head. I can only help you come to a decision, I won’t boss you around and tell you what to do. I can show you options, and help you look at the situation in ways you might not have thought of by yourself.
More tomorrow.
Filed under: Family
Following on from a conversation I had with someone the other day …
what is a good father?
Does he take time off work to go to school picnics? does he deliver the kids to school every day on time? does he make time available to play, does he have the patience to listen?
Does he provide encouragement, help with homework? Or is his focus on paying the mortgage so the children have a home? are men locked into this division of labour, and are they happy with this?
I’ve always wondered if men feel pressure to ‘provide’, to ‘work’. I wondered if men ever resent ‘missing out’ on being there after 3.00 when school finishes.
The father I spoke to said that his primary motivation is to provide. To see his children warmly dressed in the winter, to have enough food on the table. He thinks it’s wired into us as human beings. The man as hunter/gatherer. The woman as nuturer.
I got the feeling that for many men, todays society can be confusing. What is their role, and what’s the actual definition of ‘a good father’?
It’s an interesting conundrum.
Filed under: Work and Motivation
One of the things you need to address when starting out in business is your need for a great business card. Let’s face it, some cards are boring. They don’t hold your attention. You take it, your eyes skim over it, and it’s in the bottom of your bag, never to be seen again.
It’s a confusing thing to design your card. Especially if you’re one of those people who says “I don’t have an artistic bone in my body.”
When you give your card to a client you want them to get a great impression of your business. People will judge as soon as they see it. You need your card to be good quality, and if they can’t immediately see the information they need you’ll be passed over. You need your card to say ‘this is who I am’ and ‘this is what I do’ in the most straightforward manner possible. Your card will give an indication of how much effort and professionalism you’ll put into your services. Your client will have been given cards from your competing businesses, so make sure you get the edge!
Make sure you don’t use cheap paper. It’ll probably tear, and ink can smudge. It’s corners will bend easily and it’ll look scruffy – something you don’t need.
Make sure it’s a standard size. There’s nothing more annoying than a card that won’t fit in a wallet or card holder.
Include all your contact details.
Say what your business actually does. I’ve ended up throwing cards away when I’ve realized – I have no idea what the person does, and I can’t remember!
Ensure that you use a readable font. Don’t make the lettering too small. I’ve seen people get irritated when they realize they’ll need to fish their glasses out of their bag or shirt pocket to read a card (luckily, not one of mine!)
Try to stick to the basic principles of design. This will make the card a lot more visually attractive, and it’ll look professional too.
Include a great marketing message. If you have to you can include this on the back of the card. I did not, but it can be an option if you don’t want the front of your card to be too cluttered. However I decided I wanted my message to be on the front where I know it’ll be noticed!
If you decide to include a logo, I believe it’s best to take professional advice. A symbol that isn’t right will ruin the look of your card. It needs to look just as good scaled to different sizes, so you can use it to give your commodities a recognizable brand. Don’t use something that’s similar to other businesses. Be careful of the colours you use too. Some colours have negative connotations in different cultures, and others don’t reproduce effectively when copied for other purposes. Keep it simple and striking.
Remember you’ll have this logo for a long time, so don’t rush it!
The weather here in Auckland has been fairly awful today.
A family member left today to go on a trip that has been eagerly anticipated for a few months now. But some people don’t like to travel. I have to confess I am one of them. I go through agonies planning, packing, and organising. Luckily for me, I have done this a number of times now so I have a system that I follow without having to think too much. It covers most aspects from packing the suitcase to the animals, to security for the house, to watering the plants. Some of this angst is caused because I really like where I live. It is a sanctuary. I feel safe there. Is a fear of travelling caused by leaving your comfort zone, or by fear of the unknown, or both?
What really changed my attitude was a trip I made last year to Kuala Lumpur.
I dreaded it. I was scared of traveling all that way by myself. I was frightened that I would do something wrong, that I’d forget something. I was frightened of changing planes at Singapore. I was scared because I knew very little about Malaysia. I was in agonies about leaving my job – I thought that some unspecified drama would happen while I was away, and that no one else would be able to handle things. (Talk about arrogance!) The only thing that got me to do it, was that my partner had aready been over there for work for almost two months and I missed him!
As it turned out, Malaysia was *fantastic*. The only drama that happened was at Auckland Airport. I took the shuttle up, and a person also travelling on the shuttle decided to make conversation. When we checked in she was still talking. If I’d been concentrating I would have realised that I should have asked specifically for my boarding pass for Singapore. You guessed it. We arrived in Singapore, and I had a very short window of time in which to change planes. When I realised I didn’t have the proper boarding pass, I went to get it. There was a line of about 200 people all doing the same thing. I crossed my fingers and went to the gate anyway. Luckily, my quivering lip and big eyes did the trick, and I was given another one. They were great. That connecting flight to the airport at KL was only 40 minutes – but if I’d missed it, it would have involved a long and stressful train trip, and an anxious wait for my partner.
When I finally arrived at KL it was night, and very, very hot. I was so tired, and hardly able to believe I was there at all. It was all so strange and different. Another round of following the signs, and then a short trip on a train. Then I was in the hall, and there he was 
we walked again, jumped on the monorail, another walk and we were at the hotel. It was all just a series of steps. Broken down, and looking back, it wasn’t that bad.
Life is like that too. There are signs, and choices. You do the best you can based on the information you have. Sometimes you are distracted (like my talkative seatmate in the shuttle), but in the end you get back on track.
what to do, here are some ideas.
Burnout/work stress is a complicated issue. But in the meantime here are some ideas for you …
* turn off the tv. The inane background noise. The wasted hours staring at stuff that’s not relevant to you. The enforced lack of physicality. The tendency to snack. The negativity, the dumbing-down. Don’t tell me you need to watch the news, that’s what newspapers are for. :p
* drink water. Don’t tell me you prefer o.j. or coke, just do it. Your brain needs hydrating and so does your body.
* keep it simple. If you’re zooming around doing a million jobs for other people, or ferrying your kids to after school activities, delegate. Simplify everything right down as far as you can. You are NOT master of the universe. You don’t need to do everything yourself.
* talk. Talk to your partner, or to a friend. Talk to me on messenger. Just talk to someone. Tell them you don’t want answers, or for them to fix stuff. Just talk and start to get it off your chest. It might be a fairly miserable string of words that comes out of your mouth, but don’t worry about that. Just start to get it out.
* go to the supermarket and get some fruit. I know you don’t want to overhaul all your eating habits. But start with some fruit. Take it to work for snacks, eat it after work. Eat it for dessert.
Even if you implement two of these choices … you take back some control and do something healthy for yourself at the same time
You won’t be able to get past burnout if you don’t understand the reason for it. There are a lot of things that can cause it, so thinking calmly – and talking to a coach! – can help you sort out the reasons for your particular situation.
Some things are external, like having to work with an office bully, or being subjected to micromanagement. Sure, some people like a certain degree of control, but in my experience more like to have autonomy over their work. Perhaps you need more say in the hours you work, or in the way you organise the work that comes in.
You might feel better being able to prioritise your projects.
A lack of resources will have a big impact on the way you feel. As will not being sure of what the parameters of your job are – and believe me, there are a lot of people out there in this situation. You’re not alone.
During coaching, we talk about values. Don’t worry if you’ve never seriously thought about what your values are. It’s an interesting and informative process If your values don’t fit with how you’re expected to function at work it will drain you. It will become more and more stressful as time goes on.
There are consequences to being constantly stressed. Burnout can mean you are more prone to depression and anxiety, and it will affect the rest of your relationships outside work. Recovery from burnout will take time and means that you’ll need to instigate changes. It won’t happen immediately. The physical symptoms will take time to go away. Your personal relationships will probably take time to come back to a balance. Don’t ignore this. It won’t get better until you do something about it, and it will get worse if you don’t.
Talk to a coach, or a doctor. Burnout is real. You’re not imagining it, or going insane. You’re not just being silly, you don’t need to ‘pull yourself together’. It’s not something that you can fix by yourself. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t keep going to work and trying to function without help. It’s just the same.
Life is supposed to be fun. You are NOT imagining how miserable you feel.
Are you more irritable, more critical and sarcastic?
Not only at work, but at home as well. Your kids seem to avoid you, your partner is walking on eggshells, and when you come to think of it you don’t have conversations with people that involve anything more than the latest annoyance/upset at work.
Little things set you off in ways they never used to.
Are you having trouble sleeping, and then can’t seem to wake up in the morning?
It must be my mattress, I need a new bed.
Do you feel like things are hopeless – systems at work mean you’ll never be able to get things done the way you want to?
If people would just get out of my way … if I could only set this up the way I want to … if only the interruptions would go away …
Do you feel like you could get things done if you only had more energy?
I’ll try taking vitamins. I need to get more sleep. I haven’t got time to eat properly.
If something is successful, are you unable to focus on it and give yourself some credit – you’re too busy thinking about all the other things that need to be done?
I haven’t got time to think about that, I’ve got another deadline coming up.
Do your co-workers ask you every morning if you’re alright – you look sick, you look tired?
I’m fine, but I’m really irritated – it doesn’t feel like concern, it feels intrusive. It feels like I’m being criticized.
Have you unexplained aches and pains? are you short of breath, do you get headaches often? is your heart skipping, are your shoulders always tense?
I can’t go to work without my pills. My back aches, I’m always frowning. I just need more sleep. I haven’t got time to go to the doctor …
Do you ever think what’s the point?
Filed under: Family
Over the next week I will be mostly in Auckland. I won’t be contactable on the messaging services so much, but still available on my cell#. Looking forward to a busy week!
We were in Auckland for the last few days, which was very interesting. The trip up was a little stressful, as traffic on the motorway slowed to a crawl. At some stages it stopped completely, as the rain was driving straight into our windshields. We made it to the apartment safely though.
We made time to see the Egyptian exhibition at the Museum which was just fabulous. I do recommend it if you’re in Auckland over the holidays. It was a shame that the weather was so bad that there was no point in packing a picnic – the grounds of the Museum contain lots of lovely trees, great for sitting under and climbing when the food has vanished. We are hoping to spend some time exploring the Domain when the children are next up. I have some fond memories of the time I was flower girl for my dads cousins wedding. I think I was about 5. The morning of the wedding was rather boring, as I had waist length hair at the time and the hairdresser had a bit of a struggle with it. Not the best way for a little girl to spend a morning. The wedding itself I don’t have clear memories of, but the photos taken afterwards in the Domain were lots of fun.
Another place we haven’t explored properly is Albert Park. This is very close to our apartment and from what I’ve seen of it, it is beautiful.
We didn’t get to the Zoo this time and I will wait until I have the children again before we return. They are with their dad at his farm down here.
You find alternative ways to deal with things that are bothering you. You don’t keep going over the same thing in the same ways.
You can design the way your life is heading. You can concentrate on the things that matter to you.
You’ll become more confident, more energised. You’ll always have someone in your corner.
You’ll be able to put into words exactly what you want.
You’ll no longer doubt yourself.
Filed under: Work and Motivation
A lot of people have written great articles on working from home ; here’s my take on it.
The first reason that really keeps me going, is that I like to be in charge of what I’m doing. I like to be able to work when I’m most efficient .. at night. Ignoring the fact that it’s specifically ‘coaching’ that I’m doing – I appreciate the chance to do further study and develop something that is a consuming interest of mine.
One of the obvious benefits to me is the commuting costs and time saved. I have almost the ideal situation in that I am not far at all from my part time employment, but my home is my favorite environment and it’s where I get my best work done. I also appreciate the chance to provide an interruption free environment for my clients. I like being able to work in a quiet environment, and to arrange the more boring tasks to suit myself.
A pitfall to working at home is that you might find you are interrupted by phone calls that would be better saved until later. Make use of your answer phone. If you know you’re going to be head-down concentrating on something, let your voice mail screen your calls. Or, turn your phone to silent. Some people can’t ignore a ringing phone …
I do not have a second line for my work. There are a lot of options available and it might be worth it to look into these. Skype and the various messaging services might be more efficient. They are certainly better when you are talking to someone on the other side of the world. But do remember to use the ‘away’ setting when you are concentrating on something else.
If you are like me, there are parts of the business that mean you have to leave your house sometimes. Banks, accountants, all those tricky little details … plan the times you go. Then you can take advantage of non peak traffic and do lots of your jobs at once.
I have read advice that you should try to keep the personal tasks to a minimum during the working hours you’ve set for yourself. This can be tricky – if you’re anything like me, you work for yourself because you love it, and it’s very hard to switch off. However, if you have kids etc there will always be things that need to be done. There has to be a balance.
I personally find that a Palm is a godsend. I like all the electronic trickery but a Palm is worth its weight in gold. It’s always in your pocket and you can add things at the moment they happen. There is nothing worse than losing that piece of paper, or smudging the words written on your hand. Absolutely everything goes into mine – the kids school trips, phone numbers, birthdays, meetings, directions to destinations, the lot. Just don’t forget to charge it! I also like the way it backs up onto my laptop, and I can see it on both. I leave it open during the day and then I *cannot* forget anything! Remember, you’re doing this because it’s fun and you love it. Enjoy it, plan it properly, and then go for it.
Keep your fridge primed with snacks – healthy snacks! Make sure you keep your desk organized so you’re not wasting time searching for pens and hard copies of documents. Don’t let yourself run out of printer paper, or business cards … plan for this too.
Sometimes going to a café to work is a good idea – it provides a change of scenery and kickstarts the brain. I don’t do this very often, because I tend to use the Net a lot. But whoever invented hotspots was a genius.
Of course, if you use a laptop like I do, this means you can work from wherever you are. One thing that can put a spanner in the works is finding that your battery is going flat just when you’re on a roll. I have two batteries for my laptop but I can’t claim credit for that – it was my other half’s idea when he ordered our machines. Brilliant.
Remember that email and word processing are way easier on your battery than playing a cd or gaming. Personally I don’t see the attraction in gaming, and all my music etc is on my hard drive. It doesn’t take much to organize and it means you’re not using power for unrelated things. This is my second laptop, and it has a Li-Ion batter which means I don’t have to worry about running the battery right down before recharging. You might want to look at the age of the machine you’re using. Try not to leave a charged battery for too long before using it – I’ve seen it advised that you should use it at least every two or three weeks. Keep the contacts on your batteries clean too.
Make sure your machine is defragged regularly, and use the ‘hibernate’ function rather than standby. Have a look at your settings, and see if you can dim your screen a little. Turn off everything running in the background that you don’t need. Make sure that your iPod is already charged before going out … this uses battery power that you really should be using for work :p
If you’ve an older machine and it’s chewing through battery, think about adding more RAM. Virtual memory uses power that could be saved.
After all that, I think you deserve a coffee!
