NewZealandCoach’s Weblog

Wow it is a beautiful morning - well, as beautiful as it can be at 5.25am

Today I have some questions for you, before I show you what I just found on the ‘net.  It will keep you amused for hours, well, at least five minutes!

If you could have done two things differently in your life, what would they have been?

How would you describe your ‘perfect life?’

Are you living the life you really want?

Be brave, leave a comment or talk to me on yahoo messenger : coachdawn_newzealand

Here is the link I promised, enjoy!     Visuwords

Hi there, did you miss me?

Back from Auckland now, it was lots of fun up there.  I met some people I really liked, and caught up on some things that needed doing as well.  Now I am at home sorting through debris from my old job and preparing for an upgrade to our office systems.  This will happen on Monday and it is really exciting!

So anyway I am close by and you can find me on yahoo messenger:  coachdawn_newzealand

Talk to you soon!

I know more than one couple who are planning their big days

It’s heartening to see that there is still romance in the world … most of the weddings I’ve been to have ended in divorce. Sometimes it was a foregone conclusion, sometimes it was out of the blue. A few people I know have been married a long time, but they are in the minority. My mum and dad have been married 42 years, and my sister and her husband celebrated their 11th wedding anniversary last week. A few of my friends have been married for years as well, but they are outnumbered by the amount of people I know who are divorced.

A lot of people haven’t actually seen a good marriage in action. They have no role models, they don’t know how it works. We all know it’s never happy ever after. Marriage has incredible highs, periods of drudgery, frustration, anger, laughter, boredom and pure fun. We all change, and the person we married will not be the same person twenty years on. I think with some people they fall into the patterns they saw growing up.

It’s easy to have a preconceived idea of what marriage should look like.

When I was growing up, there was never a mention of getting married. The emphasis was on education, being responsible and working hard. No one had a special bank account saving up for my wedding, no one expected the boyfriend to turn into The Husband. There was no pressure.

Where this caused problems was in my present relationship. I had learned to be very independent. My other half was brought up to look after women, to be the breadwinner and to take full responsibility for everything financial. Once we realised that we were on opposing sides (that’s not quite the right phrase, but it’ll have to do for now) things became a lot more understandable. I toned down my independent streak, and he learned to deal with a bit of the pressure he put on himself.

What examples of a good marriage have you seen?

What have you done lately to make your relationship a priority?

What are some of the barriers you face as you try to make time for yourselves as a couple?

Do you ever let work come between you?

Have you ever tried complimenting your partner using all the letters of the alphabet? oh I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s fun! I admire the way you work so hard. I love watching you play basketball. Thanks for cooking a yum dinner yesterday. I dreamed about you last night!

Finally I recommend the book Love Languages. It’s not heavy going to read, and it might surprise you.

Hi everyone!

In Auckland again this week. I won’t be out at Mount Wellington this time, it’s the CBD. But we can negotiate on that ….. just let me know. I will be briefly back in Hamilton on Tuesday/Wednesday.

Leave me email at coachdawn_newzealand(at)yahoo(dot)com if you’d like to find out more about coaching - I’ve got a few favorite cafes we can meet at!

Hope your working week is fun and that you have time scheduled to enjoy yourself doing something you love. If that happens to be your job - excellent!

my username. Oh I know, call me stupid … “stupid!!” How could I have forgotten a thing like that? because I usually have my laptop set to automatically log me in. But because one of the kids watched over my shoulder and realised what my password was (the one to get into my laptop!!) I changed/wiped everything …

Anyway now we’ve got my attack of stupid-itis out of the way …

Today was the end of an era really. It was my final day at the school I have been teaching at for the past six and a half years. We had an assembly this afternoon which was really fun, even though I don’t like being in the spotlight. Luckily for me, it was the last day for the boss as well which took a bit of the heat off

I had such fantastic colleagues there. So much of what teachers do is behind the scenes. They work so hard and the hours are so long. I can imagine what you’re thinking - ‘but they have such long holidays!’ In my experience most teachers start to get sick towards the end of the term, because they’re exposed to all the usual children’s germs, and the hours are so long that they become exhausted as time goes by. So they spend half the holidays struggling to get their health in order, and then the second half doing their planning etc for the next term.

So I wish everyone there all the best and I certainly plan on dropping in for festivals etc. Here is a link.

Next week I’ll be in Auckland for training for my new job. I am really looking forward to it. But I am also VERY FRIGHTENED. It is going to be a huge change and a big step out of my comfort zone. Which I need. I was a bit frightened I was getting into a rut. Now I have the chance to learn new things and push myself. I will also have more time available for coaching. Sometimes the two days a week I had available was not enough. Also waiting to hear back about something else I’m interested in, so cross your fingers

School holidays! do you look forward to them? or do you have the stress of finding day care for your kids? I always, without fail hear someone saying “oh these kids, I can’t wait til they go back to school”.

It’s amazing how quickly kids grow. I remember someone saying this to me when I was knee-deep in nappies and stretch-n-gro’s, and I thought they were completely mad. I also met up with a girl I’d gone to primary school with - I had two children under 4, and she told me very smugly that her kids were at college!

What can I say? I’m a late bloomer

But now my kids are 11 (12 in October) and 14. While it is very fun and exciting to see what sort of people they’re growing into, it’s also sad in a way. I feel nostalgic for the days when I was pretty much the center of their worlds. Now they have their social lives (more than I do!) and are becoming more and more independent. I sneak into their rooms when they are asleep, and I can still see traces of their baby-faces. They wouldn’t like it that I was telling you this, though ….

so wherever you are, whatever stage your kids are at, take a good look at them. See how they are growing up and how their faces are changing. Soon they will be grownups, and the ‘child’ stage will be only a memory.

Make the most of this time

If there’s anyone in Auckland who would like an introductory session + another session *free*, drop me a line. I will be in Aks definitely the 7th and 8th of July, possibly a little longer. I will be roaming around between Mount Wellington and the CBD, so if you’ve a favorite cafe somewhere in that vicinity we could meet up

I will be up there again in the week beginning the 14th July, and we can arrange a time that suits you for the second session.

The only catch to this brilliant offer (no free set of steak knives though, unfortunately) is that you’ll be happy to write a blog post for me. No identifying details, no gory in depth analysis, no parading of your private stuff all over the Internet - just a post about what the coaching process was like for you.

You can contact me at coachdawn(underscore)newzealand(at)yahoo(dot) com

I’ll assume you know how to read my code

Go on! it’ll be fun! and we’ll get to drink some good coffee as a bonus!

Here’s a list of useful stuff I think everyone should have …

• a cellphone that does bluetooth so you can drive hands free. Why end up dead for the sake of a few dollars?
• a tape measure - preferably one that’s put back in the same place each time.
• a hammer.
• a stepladder. I never realised how useful these were until the Man About the House bought one.
• a Leatherman. Mine lives in my handbag, and it’s been used for so many bizarre things …
• a laptop computer. Makes work seem so much easier and you can work wherever you like!
• some sort of alarm on your cellphone (I’m assuming you carry a cellphone). Set it to remind you of things that slip your mind - when to get up (grin), five minutes before a meeting, all that.
• a really good set of kitchen knives, not the lightweight ones, but good solid steel. Preferably with a strong set of scissors.
• a Palm, or at the very least a notebook that stays in your bag, with pen attached. Get into the habit of writing things down, even if you’re sure you’ll remember. One of the first symptoms of stress is forgetting the silly things, let alone phone numbers and appointments.
• sunglasses - avoid headaches and eyestrain. Not to mention the long term effects on your eyesight.
• rechargable batteries and a battery recharger. I hate buying batteries.
• a small plastic bag containing the following - a few sticking plasters, a couple of panadeine, a couple of twist ties, a spare blister pack of medications you might be taking, girl essential things if you happen to be a girl, an emergency ten dollar note, a couple of rubber bands. Throw it in your handbag where it’s easy to get to.
• speaking of handbags (sorry guys!) make sure your everyday bag is serving your needs. I have one that’s distressed leather and *beautiful* but it’s too deep. Things go in there and vanish, never to be seen again. If you’re constantly scrabbling around in your bag, can’t find the things you need, and it’s driving you crazy look around for something more suited to your needs. Life is too short to lose stuff in a stupid bag. Or maybe wear cargo pants

Came back to add just two more things. Hand sanitizer. You can get it from the chemists in little bottles suitable for stashing when you’re out and about. Let’s face it, the everyday germs in your own house won’t hurt you - it’s the ‘foreign’ ones when you’re out that might do the damage. I work in a school. Believe me, those places are a hive of bacteria, and this stuff is great! :)  The second thing is dental floss.  It works for really strong sewing thread in an emergency, and it saves you from those social gaffes of having grotesque green things stuck in your teeth at inopportune moments!

You know, I used to think that having a housekeeper would be *absolutely brilliant*. I thought that it would solve all those mess problems, I’d never have to stress, or clean anything, and my house would always be perfect.

It didn’t turn out like that.

A few years ago I was under a lot of pressure at work, and I was going from one stressful situation to another. I was drained, quite frankly. So I found a housekeeper, thinking that this would be a great solution. I imagined coming home from a hard day at work to find a shining home, all warm and with everything organised, so I could just flop down in a heap with not a care in the world.  There were only a few light jobs I asked her to do, and she agreed to mind the kids as well.

Well I will never know how the housekeeper managed to avoid being electrocuted when she spilled a bucket of water over the carpet - and tried to vacuum it up.

There were a few incidents like this. But what finally made my mind up?

I came home after a day of work, and a late meeting which involved a lot of decision making and a lot of pressure. I pulled into the driveway and noticed that all the lights were ablaze. I went in, to find the housekeeper sitting comfortably at the table reading a magazine. Not a sign of my kids. I questioned her and found that they were ‘out’. She had no idea where and didn’t know when they were coming back.

I panicked.

My kids, at the time, were ten and eight. It was almost dark.

Turns out the son had gone off on his bike to visit my great aunt and uncle, who lived a few streets away. They were in their nineties, and probably didn’t really appreciate a late visit. They had their dinner early, so would’ve been getting ready for bed when boy-on-a-bicycle turned up. The daughter didn’t want to be left behind, so she followed.

Meanwhile the housekeeper was making the most of a chance to put her feet up.

That was the last time she minded my kids.

So after that I decided that I needed to look at things in a different way. I’ve tried a few different systems, and the worst one was not expecting the kids to help. I found that they began to take things for granted, and their view of my role was skewed, to say the very least. So now here is what I do. I don’t look at housework as being drudgery. I really appreciate all the hard work that goes into paying the mortgage, and I am lucky to have somewhere to live that I like. Our house is small, but it is comfortable and it has lots of potential. It is also in a really good situation. Everything is handy to us, and we have room to expand if we decide to. I also like the house to be at its best, because I hate drama and mess and people running around looking for things. I like a peaceful atmosphere, and I like everyone to have some ownership of our home which does not happen when Mum is being the drudge and everyone else is relaxing wondering out loud what’s for dinner? And are my PE clothes ready for tomorrow? And where is my library book?

The easiest way I have found, is to use my Palm.

These things are a necessity, in my opinion. You can also at a pinch use an online calendar. You need something that is foolproof and easy to set up. Add all the birthdays, the sports practices, the days people will be home late. Everything that has a set time. Even add in peoples work hours.

Then you look at what needs doing in your home, and you share it out. You see who has what after school, and you add in their homework times, and then you share the jobs out so everyone has their activities. If you want your kids to put out the recycling, you can add a reminder to get it organised the night before. You can make it repeat on that day of the week. As you know I have a shower-fanatic in my house, so I have alternated days that the fanatic gets first shower. Person with the second shower gets to clean the bathroom. It is working out fantastically well. It also means the ‘cleaning and tidying’ housework is spread out across the week and it’s not taking up all your Saturday morning. Your house will always be presentable and you’ll have more time and energy. It saves arguments about who cleaned what and whose turn it is next.

Try it and see what you think

ps I have heard there’s a Yahoo calendar that’s quite good … I’ll see if I can find a link.

As you all know by now, I’m generally fairly optimistic about life. I don’t walk around waiting for the sky to fall, or expecting awful things to happen on a daily basis. But I am amazed at how many people seem to live in a perpetual state of gloom!

I’m about to transition from a job I’ve had for six and a half years, to something new. It’s exciting, and I’m not worried about it at all. I’m looking forward to a change of environment, to meeting new people, to learning new skills. Even a different way of getting to work, possibly. But a couple of people have told me how nervous they would be, and wondered aloud if I’m doing the right thing, if I’m scared that it won’t work out?

Not at all. I can see they think I’m impossibly naïve. But I don’t want to spend time and energy worrying about something that’s going to happen. I think it’s all in my attitude. If you were at work, and a new person came in, would you be inclined to make their life any easier if they were scowling, grumpy, and gloomy about everything?

Nope, didn’t think so.

It is just as easy to imagine the best possible outcome, as it is to imagine doom and gloom. It might take a bit of practice – especially if you’ve been stuck in a negative mindset for a while.

Be prepared. You will be more prone to stress if your life is out of control, you can’t find your house key and the pantry is bare. Look at your organizational methods and see if there’s any tiny habit you can incorporate to make your life easier, and to make sure you’re prepared. It doesn’t have to be a huge step – just something small. I will give you a rather flippant sounding example! I usually keep the umbrellas hanging up in our garage, all ready to take in the car if I’m going out. Isn’t that organised? Isn’t that helpful? NO it certainly wasn’t. When I go to work in the morning I am not thinking about sensible things – I have a system for my laptop and my handbag, and somehow the umbrella got left along the way. So the other day the other half put the umbrella in the boot of the car.

Now, I never use an umbrella unless I’m at work, where I’m required to zoom between one building or another, or to be on duty. So keeping it in the car is the most sensible thing to do and doesn’t rely on me having the sense and foresight to grab it in the morning. It sounds like such a tiny thing, but I was so delighted to see it in the boot the other day when it was pouring and I was about to go on duty!

So if you think about things, and organise them in the ways that suit you, you’ll have less to stress about and more time to enjoy your life. Those little stupid things that crop up to annoy you will fade away.

Some more time and stress saving ideas, off the top of my head :

Keep a packet of baby wipes in the car for when people mess up (just the cheap ones in the big container are good).

Throw a sticking plaster or two in a spare pocket of your bag – good for blisters on heels or those savage paper cuts, lol.

If you’re taking medication keep a spare packet in your bag – if you forget in the morning you’ll still have some to take anyway.

Make sure you plug in your laptop when you’re working at home so the battery is charged when you go out – you won’t have to think about it.

Throw a couple of muesli bars in the bottom of your bag for days when you can’t get out for lunch.

Put a couple of those sticky hooks on the back of your kitchen cupboard, and *always* keep your keys there. They’re hidden from public view, but you always know where they are.

If you are given change when you’re out shopping, put it in the same pocket in the car every time, that way you’ll always have money for meters (unless you have kids like mine, who search the car for lolly money, grr).

Next time I’ll write about a cunning way I’ve found to get rid of housework …

I just have to make a point here, so bear with me. Normal transmission will be resumed tomorrow.

The way to keep people happy is NOT to force them into working 17 hours straight in a high stress environment, without even the chance to take a five minute break or have something to eat.

I don’t care if there is no one else that can do the job. I think it is terrible to take advantage of someone’s sense of responsibility like this. I think it is terrible that for months management has known that there is no one else who can fulfill this particular set of responsibilities, and yet they have done nothing about it.

I certainly would like to give you the name of this company, and a few more stories on the ways they fail their employees. In fact I am *itching* to.

Maybe tomorrow.